


If We Fight What's True

by kayura_sanada



Category: Code Geass
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Compliant, Established Relationship, M/M, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-12
Updated: 2017-12-12
Packaged: 2019-02-13 22:27:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 825
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12993855
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kayura_sanada/pseuds/kayura_sanada
Summary: Before R2, Lelouch and Suzaku started a relationship – a physical one. But once Lelouch regained his memory, he couldn’t help but realize what the relationship had to truly be. If only he had realized sooner.





	If We Fight What's True

**Author's Note:**

> Title derived from The Calling's "Stigmatized."

Lelouch stared at his chess board. “Don't,” he said, and fought to keep his voice steady. He moved his knight to take white's bishop. Suzaku's hand hovered just above his shoulder. Lelouch could imagine what he'd been about to do – lean in, turn Lelouch's chair just slightly, plant a kiss on his brow, then on his lips. He wanted to grimace. Instead he kept his face neutral and just looked at white's best move. “It's clear you're tired and would only do it for me.” He let himself hesitate, on purpose, and lowered his hand slightly. “It seems that's all it's been for, recently.”

Suzaku was silent behind him, but Lelouch could feel his tension. He moved to grab one of white's pawns and found his fingers shaking far more than this farce demanded. “I have no desire for an unwilling partner, Suzaku.”

Still silent, and Lelouch wished he would just leave. Would not make him say it.

“Why are you saying this?” Suzaku asked. And his voice wasn't quite questioning enough. It was cold. Calculating. Interrogating.

Lelouch closed his eyes and leaned his head forward. “You and I were over months ago. Weren't we?” And he chuckled lowly. He didn't want to think how he looked then, but he thought it likely rather pathetic. He tried to cover his face from view. “And I tried to ignore it because it was you, and I wanted you to want me.”

More stiffness, so much that he thought Suzaku might have jerked under the strain of tense muscles. Still he didn't speak. Lelouch hated the words. Despite how carefully he’d planned this moment, it didn’t make the words any less true.

Lelouch clenched his hands into fists, and though he'd planned to stiffen his shoulders, he found them slumping. “Why do you keep coming back?” He hadn't meant to make his voice little more than a whisper, but he found he had to, or it would crack. He would not be that weak. Not to this man who had willingly handed him over to Charles. Who had betrayed and abandoned him.

Who had made love to him – no, no, _had sex_ with him – just two nights ago.

“Lelouch.”

But there was no anguish in that voice, and suddenly Lelouch couldn't stand it. He jerked to his feet, knocking into the table, strewing the chess pieces everywhere. “Get out, already,” he said. He kept his face hidden and swept his free hand out. The chess pieces scattered to the floor. “Get out!”

And god help him, but it still hurt when Suzaku left.

* * *

Time did not heal wounds. It merely numbed them.

Things came together for Zero, then they fell apart. Lelouch lost himself in the game, in the battles and the pieces on the boards. He let himself worry only about Nunnally, and then, when it was all over – he worried about nothing at all.

What had possessed him to go to Suzaku? He'd known the man's hatred for him had never, could never, wane. And so it didn't matter when he found himself betrayed again. It didn't. It couldn't.

And when Suzaku chased after him into the World of C and thrust his sword at him, Lelouch could only stare with a smile. He’d always known this man would be the one to pierce his heart.

* * *

Literally.

He had handed over his suit without a qualm, knowing Suzaku would understand. Whether he accepted Lelouch or not, whether he’d ever loved him or not, Suzaku would always be the one to understand him. He hadn’t failed to notice, however, how careful Suzaku had always been not to touch him. Just as Suzaku always understood him, he would always know Suzaku.

“Lelouch.” Until that instant, he realized, his heart pounding against the metal in his chest. “I accept that geass. But only if you’ll accept mine!” Suzaku leaned forward, taking Lelouch’s weight as he crumpled, unable to hold himself up. “Don’t let me destroy myself like this.”

Lelouch’s eyes widened.

“Please.”

Suzaku was crying. _He was crying._ Perhaps Lelouch hadn’t known him as well as he’d thought. Perhaps he should have thought of another way. He closed his eyes. With a sick slurp, Suzaku pulled the sword from his gut. He held his stomach as blood gushed in a waterfall to the ground. “S...” He stumbled. Fell. His shoulders hit the ramp, and, just as planned, he fell, his blood leaving a wet, slick trail behind him. His sister caught him. He saw her lips move, but the world was too far away for him to hear it anymore.

“I… destroy worlds...” His world. Suzaku’s world. His sister’s world. “I create worlds...” Everyone else’s worlds.

Cheers. Everyone loved the world he’d created. His sister sobbed.

_I’m sorry._

* * *

He knocked on the doorjamb. Zero looked up at him. The hero shot to his feet, the cape flaring around his long legs.

Lelouch smiled. “I accept your geass, Zero.”


End file.
